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村中一个长辈说介绍他一个远房侄女给我认识

村中一个长辈说介绍他一个远房侄女给我认识,领着我去那妹子家。路上他一直夸那妹子长相甜美,温柔可人,而且特有爱心,很喜欢小动物。到了那妹子家,看到一个长得还挺漂亮的妹子,正在杀鸡,一刀割了鸡脖子,往碗里放血,旁边还有一盆不知道什么肉。这时妹子发话啦:“表叔,稀客呀,什么风把你吹来啦?后面这小哥哥是谁?你们今天好有口福哦,我昨天抓了一条蛇,这不已经剥皮剁好啦,等下龙凤煲。”我……

半夜里,丈夫突然把妻子摇醒,兴奋地说:刚才我做梦捡到了一个装有五千元的提包!妻子唔了一声,又睡着了。过了一会,丈夫被妻子的抽泣声惊醒了,问她为什么哭,妻子说:我梦见你捡的那个提包被人偷走了。

上次我买了个体重秤放在寝室,隔壁寝室一哥们儿突然心血来潮,把我的体重秤借去了,上厕所之前称了一下显示的是61KG,然后上完厕所出来又称了一下,显示的是62KG,看着称的我们当时就懵圈了。现在,我们依然在班上宣传他的英雄事迹,那一哥们儿的名声将会永垂不朽!

昨天和几个哥们喝酒喝到深夜,醉熏熏的回家,躺在沙发就睡,结果迷迷糊糊听到一句,又喝的烂醉,信不信老娘打死你?我吓得赶紧说:亲爱的,别打我,我下次再也不喝了。等我睁开眼一看,女儿拿着个录音笔,在那笑嘻嘻的说:爸爸,看把你吓的,妈妈出差了你忘了?

昨天,我递给女儿20块钱,叫她到楼下给我买包16块的烟。女儿接过钱,一副老成的口吻说 : “爸,你藏几个私房钱也不容易,就不能抽些便宜点的烟吗?”突然觉得,这丫头开始懂事了,懂得替老爸着想了,心里一阵欣慰啊!一会儿,女儿回来,扔给我一包11块钱的烟,手里还拿着一包薯片,一罐可乐!

想告诉一些人:你们不要以为,有钱长得帅,人生就一帆风顺没有遗憾!吴彦祖帅吧?有钱吧,至今他还没有加到我的微信呢。

一哥们问我:你敢在你媳妇面前说败家niang们这四个字么。我答:有何不敢,看着哈,媳妇,我那哥们的媳妇真是个败家niang们,还是你好……

老艺术家刘龙去世 http://www.cityruyi.com/lm-4/lm-3/5700.html
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